Don't make out with my wife yet
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
