Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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