PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
