should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
