I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
