my mouth tastes like poor choices
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
