i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if only i could text you this smell
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
