I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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