"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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