Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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