have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
