Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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