my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
where am i from again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
