So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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