Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
