I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He better not be in your backpack
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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