just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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