The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
