well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
