My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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