I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
