I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
