dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
