As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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