I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
