I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
