Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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