just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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