woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
