Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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