How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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