Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alive.
So much puke
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
