i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
nutella sex= disaster
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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