How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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