i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
