You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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