If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
