you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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