i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
