yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
