either way he was missing a nipple.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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