The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
