Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
