Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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