I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
