Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
