glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
