its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
