I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
