She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
